Monday, September 12, 2022

Any Master on his way goes through the “concentration stage”: a difficult stage when you spend maximum effort and get a minimum of return. Going through this stage is hard. You step on all possible and impossible rakes, and instead of results and inspiration you get blows in the forehead.

I wanted to make the path of novice masters a little easier and remove a couple of rakes from their path, so I decided to share my conclusions that I made in the process of coaching training and the first coaching sessions. Learning from other people's mistakes is not as painful as learning from your own.

So, here are my 21 tips for a beginner coach.

1. Be sure to formulate a contract for each session. If there is no contract, then the session literally falls apart, and in the end you and the client will not be able to assess whether he spent those half an hour or an hour in vain. How will you know if you have achieved the goal if there was no goal or if it was too abstract?

2. Try to specify as clearly as possible how the client will understand that he has achieved the result. What would he feel then? What will change in it? What will appear? What will tell him inside?

3. Immerse the client in the future if it is difficult for him to formulate what result he would like to get and how he will understand that he has achieved this result. As if he had already realized that he had achieved the goal, then how is it for him then? What is opening/seeing there? The "as if" and “magic button” questions will come to the rescue.

4. Do not scare the client right from the doorstep with the question of what result he would like to get at the end of the session. Few clients are preparing for the session and can immediately announce the desired result, so such a question causes fright and confusion. Better ask what the client would like to talk about? What problems are bothering him now? What does he think is important to discuss? And then proceed to the formulation of the result.

5. Check the request for environmental friendliness and connection with other areas of the client's life, even if it seems to you that you already know the answers. Sometimes unexpected insights arise already at this stage.

6. Use scales, especially in the first stages, wherever possible. The scale allows the client to assess the situation more accurately and create an experience even at the stage of formulating the final result.

7. Do not hesitate to ask the question “why” and “why is it important” until you rise to the high logical levels of the Dilts pyramid. If the client answers the question “why”, “to do...”, then you can ask “why would you do that?”, “and what will it give you?”, “how will it change you?”, “what new opportunities will open up for you?”.

8. Wherever possible, use the pyramid of logical levels — both at the stage of formulating the final result, and at the stage of creating an experience, and at the stage of gratitude. Spend more time working on the upper logical levels, and go down to the lower ones only after examining the level of identity, values of the client, his motivation, meanings.

9. Add more visualization, forming an experience, and ask the client to imagine himself in a particular situation: this helps to form new neural connections and transform literally at the physiological level.

10. Create an atmosphere of security and dreams — it helps to overcome fears and deceive our anxious and conservative “emotional” brain. Rapport, the wizard's tone, open gestures, pauses, “verbal fluff” — all this helps a lot.

11. The past is a good resource. Ask the client to remember when he dreamed in the past, what was in that state, how he felt in it. This helps to connect with the bodily experience, the body remembers what it's like to dream, and the brain switches to the right wave.

12. Do not hesitate to ask and clarify if you see contradictions in what the client says and do not understand something. Sometimes the client himself does not notice the contradictions in his words, and noticing them, you increase the awareness of the client.

13. Formulate strong questions simply: use the words “could”; plural (for example, “what options"? “what opportunities"?); superlative words (for example, “best”, “greatest”, “maximum”, “most valuable”); inspiring words (development, inspiration, energy, etc.).

14. When formulating steps, do not forget to ask about their realism. And you can also specify whose support the client will need in them? Does he see himself taking these steps? Does this picture respond to him?
15. It is important for a coach not only what and how he says, but also in what position he sits, what gestures he uses, what kind of facial expression he has. Smiling out of place, you can confuse the client, and he will think that you are laughing at him. Seeing your sullen stone face, the client may think that you do not approve of him.

16. Repeat and clarify not only the value words, but also the pose and gestures of the client: noticing significant changes in his pose, duplicating a little and asking about what it is. In general, it is important to notice changes in the client and ask questions: “I see that your posture/tone of voice has changed now. Why? What is it about for you? What do you feel?”

17. If you are discussing problems with a client that resonate in you, purposefully shift the focus of attention from your own thoughts to the client and what he says.

18. Summarizing and repeating the words of value, repeat exactly the words and key thoughts, and not the entire last tirade of the client in 15 minutes.

19. Don't forget to keep track of the time and give a five-minute warning at the end of the session. I was helped by the focus on this for several sessions in a row and a reminder sticker pasted on the monitor: so the reminder of time just became a habit.

20. Write down not everything, but only the most important. The recording process itself can distract from listening. It is more important, after all, not to write down everything the client says verbatim, but to immerse yourself in his world and go exploring with him, noticing the slightest changes or contradictions in his posture, gestures, voice, what he is talking about (and it is difficult to do this by focusing on recordings).

21. Coaching is creativity. You explore together with the client his world, his values, you discover new meanings together. It's like the two of you are painting a magical picture. And in any creativity, besides technique, flight, inspiration, fantasy, feeling are also important. And at some point it is important to let go of the technique a little bit and start creating together.

Maria Knyazeva
Agile Coach, graduate and certified coach of the International Erickson University of Coaching